I've been slacker gal. lol.
Sorry for the wait. I've been RPing like mad and writing.
I am cracking through chapter 27 now.
It's coming out great :)
I hope you all like.
Here is 2 chapters for you
Don't worry Bogwitch, the answer to your question will be revieled soon.....
“She was losing it,” Tara explained, both her demon and what was left of the old Tara, knowing better than to piss the Slayer off. “It had to be done.”
Buffy listened quietly as they told her what had transpired. Despite the coolness of the witch’s tone, she could see the pain in her eyes. This woman in front of her may not have been her old friend…may have been a vampire…but she wasn’t evil. She was different, changed; it was obvious by just looking at her. The old Tara would have been five shades of red at having been caught in her underwear. This Tara was anything but embarrassed. In fact, she seemed quite the opposite.
It didn’t take a brain surgeon to see what had been going on here. The half nakedness, the scratches, the bites…the witch was almost proud standing there, wearing her sire’s scent loudly. But despite this, Buffy just didn’t get the big evil off of her. Maybe she was too close. She hadn’t caught Angelus.
“So what happens now?” she asked, her eyes on Tara.
“Take her home Buffy. She doesn’t belong here, you know that. Everything has changed.”
Tara sighed deeply, laughing cynically to herself once she realized that it was no longer necessary. She looked at the Slayer, her eyes pleading. “Please, Buffy, I can’t do this to her. I won’t be another Angel. I won’t do to her what he did to you.” She brushed her hair away from her face. “Besides, I have someone now…someone who understands, who can give me what I need. Will can’t do that anymore.” She paused a moment, the words that were coming next, nearly choking her. “I don’t love her, Buffy. Not now…not anymore…she’s nothing to me.”
Normally, words like these would have had the Slayer ripping out throats. But Buffy saw the pain behind Tara’s cold eyes…felt the ache echoing in every syllable. The pain Willow was in was mirrored in her former lover.
“Take her home and take care of her, Slayer,” Tara added, her voice suddenly warm. “I may have been in her bed, but you have always been in her heart.”
Tara’s words topped the list of ‘what the…?’ of the past days events.
Tara didn’t answer her, merely turned and walked to the further side of the crypt, sitting on the bed facing away from everyone.
Spike slowly walked over to Buffy.
“I did the best I could. Always liked Red, you know that. I tried to talk to her but she went happy with the mojo…well at least she tried too.”
“Giles called. Her powers are bound for now. That’s one for the plus side. Hopefully, we’ll be able to keep her from going off the deep end.” She looked down at her friend, then added, “Although I’m not so sure if the deep end is avoidable.”
Spike looked at her, genuine sympathy in his eyes.
“I know. I’ve been there…think we’ve pretty much all been there.”
They stood in uncomfortable silence for a few moments then Willow’s moans brought them out of their lull.
“I think I should take her home now, before she wakes up.” She looked over to Tara and then back to Spike. “Will you be ok? Do you need anything?”
He shook his head.
“We might fancy pints of blood in a few days but I think were good now.” Buffy looked at him suspiciously. “Animal blood only,” he quickly reassured her.
She nodded and gave him a weak smile.
“Take care of her,” she softly said.
“I will,” he replied, just as soft. “You do the same with Red.”
She scooped Willow up in her arms, carefully placed her over her shoulder and left.
Spike watched as Buffy left with Willow and once out of sight, he returned his attention to Tara. She was his main concern right now. He could feel her agony and uncertainty as everything weighed down on her. He approached the bed and sat next to her.
“Pet,” he began. But before he could say another word, she broke down in tears. He quickly gathered her up in his arms and stroking her hair.
“Shhh…it will be ok luv,” he whispered. “You have me.” He pulled her closer, not wanting to let her go. “In time, you will be ok. I promise you, pet.”
“No it’s not ok!” she cried out through her heavy tears. “I can’t feel, yet I feel too much!” She moved away from him and looked at him. “Spike, I hate that I’m hurting her…and at the same time, I can’t feel how I used to. I love her…goddess, I always will…but I want you now…I need you, not her! And damnit, damnit, I just want everything to stop spinning in my head! Everything feels strange. I don’t understand it. Do you know how I hated saying those things? How it feels to see her broken like that and know that I’m the reason? And how the demon in me hates me for caring?! I feel so empty. I feel dead in side.” Her voice was now small and childlike and it killed him.
“I’m sorry pet. I’m sorry I ever did any of this. I’m sorry I gave you a living death sentence of eternal hell.”
“Don’t be sorry Spike, please don’t. I need you.” She kissed him gently. “I need you now more then ever, not just as my friend. As my sire, I need you to show me, show me how to balance all the things I’m feeling, the urges. Spike teach me, love me.”
“But you don’t love me. I’ve been down this one way street before; it’s not to my liking.”
She lowered her head. “No, I don’t love you.” She shook her head and looked back up at him. “No you’re wrong, I do love you Spike, and you’re one of the closest friends I have. But I’m not IN love with you.” She placed her hand on his cheek. “But I know I could be, some day.”
He smiled slightly. “Really? You really think you could love me like that?”
“Yes,” she smiled coyly. “We have forever.”
Spike placed his hands on the sides of her face, brushing away the falling tears. “Forever.” The word was heaven to his ears.
Two Days Later…
Giles looked out the plane window as he flew over the ocean.
‘I hope it’s not too late to save dear Willow,’ he thought, sipping the tepid tea that was served to him on the flight.
Once he heard the news of Tara’s death and change, he knew he was needed in Sunnydale. The past few nights he had been unable to sleep. He felt horribly guilty for leaving when and how he did.
‘Buffy didn’t need me any longer. How foolishly selfish I was. I didn’t even think about any one else. I should have considered them… especially Willow.’
He removed his glass and placed them on the tray in front of him, pinching the bridge of his nose in hopes of making some of the tension in his head disappear.
‘I see now I should have stayed. Just because I was Buffy’s watcher didn’t mean that the others didn’t need me.’ He sighed deeply.
‘I hope my mistake doesn’t have any more dire effects and that the damage done is reversible.’
He prayed harder than he had ever prayed before.
Buffy made her way up the stairs, a tray of food in her hand, and headed towards Willow’s room.
“Willow, sweetie?” She knocked on the locked door. “I brought you some food.” There was no answer. “Will, please, open the door, you’ve been in there for days. You need to eat.”
She waited patiently, fighting the urge to just break the door down. She wanted to give her best friend time, she didn’t want to push. Giles would be here soon and together they would fix this…fix her. She glanced down at the bottom of the door frame, hoping to see a shadow or something, but saw nothing. Buffy realized that Willow must have all of the curtains shut because there was not a drop of light to be seen. Worry overshadowed patience.
“Willow, let me in,” she said firmly. “I WILL break down the door if I have to.”
Anya walked around Xander’s apartment, picking up clothing and beer bottles.
She had been staying in the apartment with him the past few nights, making sure that he slept and ate.
Even though they weren’t together any more, they both loved each other dearly and she secretly even hoped they would get back together one day.
She dropped the cloths into the laundry basket and walked over to the bedroom door, slowly slipping in and walking over to the bed.
Putting a hand on his head, she brushes his dark hair away from his face, a weak smile on her face.
‘I’m glad he finally got to sleep. It’s been a rough few days.’
She pulled the covers up over his nearly nude body, pausing a moment to admire what was once hers, then headed out to the living room. Sighing, she plopped down on the sofa and looked out the window.
“I wish there was some way to turn back time and make everything ok,” she murmured aloud. “If I had taken D’Hoffryn’s offer, I could have rewound the day and Xander and everyone else wouldn’t be hurting.”
She sighed and picked up a picture frame from the end table. Her eyes welled up with tears as they stared at the photo that was taken before everything had fallen apart. The whole gang was in it…well, save for Spike, who actually took it.
Anya wiped a tear from her cheek.
“I never understood these mortals but I know I don’t like seeing them hurt and upset.”
She held the photo tightly to her chest, as if that would piece everything back together and protect it. Her eyes stayed glued to the photograph as she wept quietly; the tears falling onto the glass.
She never knew if she could understand humans, even though she was now one of them. She had their feelings and emotions but never their understanding.
She continued to stare at the photo and the now tear stained glass, studying the faces.
It was taken at the Magic Box...the Halloween sale...Xander was in his pirate gear, looking very sexy, as always...Giles had on that horrid wizard costume Willow had insisted he buy...Dawn, Tara, Buffy and Willow had chosen to come as members of the moral majority...that was Willow’s way of putting it. Anya knew, however, that they just knew they couldn’t compete with Xander's angel.
“I’d do anything to make it better.” Her voice was soft, aching with pain.
“Just you being here helps more then I can ever say,” Xander said, surprising her, stumbling out of the bedroom; his eyes bloodshot.
He walked over and knelt down next to her.
“I know we aren’t together An, but it really helps knowing you’re here. I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t.”
He gently ran his thumb across her cheek and their eyes locked for a moment. He leaned in and his lips gently met hers. Then, the phone rang.
Sighing, he got up to answer it.
“Buffy, hey, what’s going on?”
Anya watched as they talked, his eyes growing dark with sadness. After a few minutes, he hung up the phone and hung his head, returning to the couch and sitting next to her.
She looked over at him, concern on her face.
“Xander?” she said quietly.
“I-it’s Willow,” he answered his voice nearly lifeless. “She won’t come out of her room and she hasn’t eaten since Tara was changed. I just don’t know what to do.”
Anya pulled him into her arms and tried to comfort him.
“I’m a horrible friend,” he continued. “She’s my best friend and I can’t do anything… I’ve known Willow forever, since kindergarten. Why can’t I help her?”
Anya stroked his hair and continued to console him the best way she knew how.
Giles got out of the taxi in front of the Summers house, tipped the driver and gathered his bags. A deep sigh fell from his lips as he made his way up the walk, his heart heavy with pain. His eyes glanced around, the recent tragedy invisible to the untrained eye. But he saw it, all around, embracing the place with a morbid grin.
He reached for the bell, but before he could ring it, the front door swung open and he was nearly tackled by the eldest Summers girl.
“Oh Giles, I’m so glad you’re here!” she exclaimed, hugging him tightly.
Dropping his bags, he returned the hug, glad to be there but wishing it was under different circumstances.
“Buffy.” He gasped, somewhat, for air and wondered if she truly knew just how strong she was.
When Buffy finally let go, they looked at each other. The Englishman saw the love for a father, love in her eyes and mentally chastised himself for ever leaving.
“Here, let me help you,” she said, grabbing a few bags
She placed them by the stairs and looked at him
“Where would you like to talk?” he asked pulling his jacket off and placing it on the railing leading up the stairs.
“The living room is fine. Can I get you anything to drink?”
“No, thank you. I would ask how you are doing, but it seems rather pointless, I’m afraid.”
She managed a small smile, but that smile faded when he asked about Willow.
Sighing, she sat down in the chair across from where he sat on the sofa.
“The words, going through hell, have taken on a whole new meaning,” she said, shaking her head ever so lightly. “She hasn’t come out of her room in days, she won’t eat, you can hear her late at night sobbing and…” She looked at him. “and trying to do spells.”
He felt more than a little pang of guilt and it played across his face like a neon sign.
“Don’t Giles, it had to be done. “
He nodded, but the pang remained.
“How long do we keep this up? How long till we tell her what we did?”
Giles sighed and pulled his glasses off.
“I honestly don’t know Buffy, until she gets better. Right now she’s on the path of destruction and this was the only way to keep her from hurting herself and others.” He saw the guilt on her face and added, “This is for her own good, Buffy. You know that.”
“Yes I do, but I can’t help it. I feel horrible for not telling her. I feel even worse about the other night.”
Giles sat up and looked at Buffy with concern in his eyes.
He stared at her as she told him everything that had happened that night. She told him how Willow was acting delusional and had gone into a rage at the crypt.
“Thankfully the binding spell worked in time or we would have one blonde dust pile.”
“Precisely, although, I must confess, I am finding it hard to see the bad in that particular situation.” Buffy managed another small smile and he continued. “Heaven only knows what could have happened if we hadn’t bound her powers; this Warren, he could have been skinned alive.”
The Slayer nodded her agreement.
“You know Willow would do anything for Tara, she loves her.”
“Precisely why we need to discuss what is going to happen with Tara.” He placed his glasses back onto his face. “Where is Tara now?”
“She’s with Spike and before you start, let me explain,” Buffy stated, watching the displeased look on her watcher’s face. “I think Tara being there is what’s best now. She can’t stay here, not with Will like she is. Spike can help her…it’s gotta be hard waking up…dead.”
An ironic smile passed over Giles lips, but then his face grew serous once again. “I understand, but are you sure she is safe with him? He is a vampire after all.”
“Yes, as is Tara now.”
“True. However Buffy, he doesn’t have a soul. The only thing keeping him from being how he used to be, is a piece of metal the initiative imbedded in his brain.” He sat up and clasped his hands together. “Who is to say or keep Spike from using Tara, who neither has a soul or a chip, as an instrument for his evil work.”
“You have a point, Giles, I know that. But I’ve seen how he acts around her. He loves her; in his sick and twisted mind he really loves her. I don’t think he would do anything to hurt Tara.” She shifted in her seat so she was now sitting with her left leg tucked under her right. “Giles, he changed her. He could have just let her die; he could have drank from her and let her die but he didn’t. He saved her the only way he could. If he had breath, I believe he would have done mouth to mouth on her. He doesn’t, so he did what he thought was the next best thing. Besides…” She paused and ran a hand through her golden hair. “The truth of it is, the bullet went right through her, through her heart. Her blood, it’s all over the carpet up there, Giles. That bastard gave her a death sentence. There was no other way.”
Giles nodded, realizing that as sad as it was, Spike truly was the best person to help Tara right now.
“Alright, I see your point. Although, I confess, I am concerned about the possibility of another Angelus on our hands.”
“I know and I get that. But from what I saw, it’s weird, I know, but I really don’t think Tara’s like that. Honestly, if she wanted to, she could have ripped Will’s throat out.”
“When Angel lost his soul, he was cool and calculating. You didn’t even see it when you saw him at first.”
The Slayer felt a pang of guilt at the reminder. Giles noticed and quickly added, “Neither did Willow or Xander…and I wouldn’t have, either, Buffy, because he was a genius of pure evil. That’s what I meant.”
Buffy shook her head.
“I know evil, Giles…been there, sent that to hell, remember? Tara, she’s not...I know she’s not the Tara we knew, she’s not the same...but...she’s not evil. I know evil. I saw her eyes, the pain that was there. She was as torn up as Willow. For a moment, I swear I saw tears.” She paused for a moment, then said, “In a way, Giles…in some weird, no longer breathing, now one of the undead way, she is the same. It’s hard to explain. Ya just gotta trust me, Giles. Tara is no Angelus.”
He thought for about what his slayer had said. Furrowing a brow, he replied, “Then what is she?”
Buffy shook her head.
“Confused, angry, unsure and in pain; gosh, a lot of pain. Maybe it’s the slayer in me, special senses and all, but it just poured off of her. She’s hurting, Giles.”
“I do not doubt you but I need to assess the situation myself. When would it be best to go to Spike’s crypt and see Tara?”
“We can head over there now.” Giles stood up, started for the stairs then stopped. Turning back to face Buffy, he said, “This Warren, the one who’s responsible for all of this... What are we going to do about him? He’s mortal so that’s a bit out of my area; and we can’t exactly call the cops because there's no body.”
A smile crossed the Slayer’s face and she looked up at Giles.
“I’ll be right back; I need to order some flowers.”